News

A Couple's Story

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 18:40:00 -0800

A Couples Story

So many stories that a counselor hears are painful,
hurtful stories. They are filled with trauma, grief, loss, abuse, hopelessness,
and helplessness. Most families and couples will go through times when they
treat each other like the enemy instead of a best friend. But every once in a
while there is a story that will make you smile and realize how goofy life can
be.

So this story is about one couple and their
experience of an assignment given by their therapist. This is a young couple
who had been married just a few years. They were both in the military and he
had just come back from a year of deployment. In the military after deployment
a married couple is required to see a counselor at least one time to help with
bringing them back together or make sure there aren’t any major problems or
reasons they cannot re-connect.

He was sitting on one side of the couch and she was
on the other. The therapist who specialized in marriage and family counseling
asked if they were always distant when they were with each other. He told her
he was just tired. After the counselor asked a few more questions and got more information
from them she gave them an assignment.

The counselor pulled out a bag of buttons. There
were blue buttons and white buttons. The blue buttons were for him and she got
the white buttons. There were big and small buttons in each bag of blue and
white buttons. The big buttons were to give to one another if something good
happened. For instance, maybe she cleaned a stain off of his favorite shirt and
so he would give her a big button. The small buttons were to give out if there
was something that happened one of them did not like. Both agreed to try this out
over the next week and they went home.

The next day they were home and she noticed that he
had not taken the trash out and it was overflowing so she handed him a small
button. Now, he was a little taken back by this and started looking around the
room and found something that she did that he didn’t like so he also handed her
a small button. She once again decided that she didn’t like something else he
had done and gave him another small button. He immediately got defensive and
grabbed a few buttons just to get back at her. So she immediately grabbed a
handful of buttons and threw at him. This turned into a bit of a button war and
they ended up with blue and white large and small buttons all over the house.

They went back to the counselor the next week and
started talking about the button exercise and the counselor looked at both of
them and simply told them that she could not help them. This was 10 years ago
and they are still married today. They laugh about the button assignment today
and remember vacuuming and finding buttons around the house for several months
after the button fight.

There is no moral to this story there is no great “aha”
to be had from this story. It is just life and it is relationships. You can’t
take life too seriously and learning to laugh can be the best medicine for any
relationship. All relationships are hard and they are good. Just learn to enjoy
the smallest of moments.

How Do You Know if You Have an Addiction Problem?

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 18:44:00 -0800

How do you
know if you have an addiction problem?

It is
important when you start wondering if you have a problem to start asking
yourself some tough questions, you may also want to ask some of your close
friends some of the same questions. The reason for this is because they see
your life from the outside while you may not. You may be comfortable in your addictive
patterns even though your life feels chaotic. Friends may see things
differently and if they are a good friend they will tell you the truth or in
the least that they are concerned. This will give you another perspective and
hopefully open you up to the possibility that you have a problem. As you answer
the questions below remember it is not about making you a bad person this is to
help you become aware and once there is awareness you have the opportunity to
do something about it. It is always your choice but if you don’t see the
problem then how would you ever know that you can do something about it.

·
Is
my life out of control?

·
Am
I taking time off work/school because of my actions?

·
Am
I avoiding certain friends/family because of my actions?

·
Is
my friends/family avoiding me?

·
Do
you spend my spare time either doing this action or thinking about doing this
action?

·
Do
you think about quitting or stopping but can’t seem to find the drive or will
power?

·
Do
you tell yourself when you wake up that today will be better and by the time
evening comes around you are beating yourself up for not staying on track?

·
Are
your thoughts about yourself negative? Do you struggle with self confidence?
Can you look at your eyes in the mirror without feeling shame or guilt, anger
or resentment?

These questions are to help you discover if there is something in your
life that is out of control and is making your life unmanageable. This could be
any behavior that has become addictive or taking over your life. So if you
binge eat, shop, drink alcohol, use illegal substances, sex or pornography,
gambling, or any other behavior or action that may take control over your life,
these are the questions you can answer to determine if it is out of control or
not.

What happens if it is out of control? It is time to gain control. This is
easier said than done, but very possible. In the beginning it will feel impossible
and overwhelming. Finding someone to talk to so that you can gain perspective
on these emotions can help you get through it. As you regain control and tell
yourself you are worth it, you deserve to be happy, and you are capable of
being loved, the lighter life will be.

If you would like to talk you can contact Kelly at www.repairnlife.com/contact

5 Ways to Reduce Stress in the Moment

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 20:06:00 -0800

5 Ways to Reduce Stress in the Moment

Stress is something that happens to everyone. Not
one person is immune from stress. Some people are able to cope with stress
better than others. Some people keep it all inside and you would never know
they were having a stressful day. Some people wear their stress on their sleeve
and everyone knows they are stressed out. None of these are stress reduction
skills however. To actively reduce stress it takes work and practice just like
if you were learning to play the guitar or pitch for a baseball or softball
team. It takes practice.

There are 5 very easy techniques for reducing stress
in the moment:

1. Close
your eyes and focus only on your breath. Take deep breaths in and let your
breath out slow. Let your thoughts go in and out with your breath and try not
to focus on any of the thoughts.

2. Stretch
your arms, legs, back and neck. As you stretch count to 10 during each stretch.
Rotate your hands and feet slowly and then go the opposite direction. Allow
yourself to feel relief.

3. Get
a paper and pencil and write. Write down everything that comes into your head.
It doesn’t have to make sense it could be just doodling.

4. Go
for a short walk, not a stroll, but a walk that will get you breathing a little
heavier than normal. This walk does not need to be a long walk 5 or 10 minutes
will do it.

5. Listen
to music that is calming and allows you to relax. It could be a favorite song,
or music without any lyrics or just some music that you like.

These stress reduction skills can be very useful to
learn and use. When you learn to slow life down and take a small break by using
these or other skills you can clear your thinking and shift your life, many
times the solution to the problem that is stressing you out will appear in
these small moments. In the least these stress reduction skills allows you to
take a few minutes for yourself, and take a small mental health break.

One thing to remember about stress is that any
problem generally will become bigger if you try to take care of it when your
emotions are high. The goal of stress reduction is to decrease your emotions
and think through problems in a slower pace than what we normally do when our
emotions are highly charged.

For more information contact Kelly www.repairnlife.com/contact

Mental Health Break

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 14:07:00 -0800

So often we really don't think about our mental health. This is partly because the phrase mental health is connected to mental health disorders and there is still quite a stigma in our society about these types of disorders or illnesses. Mental health however, is much more than this. Mental health can either help us or hurt us in our thoughts, focus and concentration, physical illness, and emotions.

When we look at our mental health the questions to ask are: Am I getting at least 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep? Do I feel tired and drained even after a night of sleep? Do I stress eat? Am I able to focus on the task at hand? Do I have a regular exercise plan that I stick to? Do I spend a lot of time going in circles and feeling like I never accomplish anything?

If you are answering these questions and realizing that your life is in over-drive and you are not the one that is in the drivers' seat it is time to slow your life down and regain some control. Part of doing this is taking a mental health break. This is a break just for you to reflect, relax, repair, and revitalize.

Things you can do to take a mental health break is; going and getting a facial, or massage, you could also get a manicure or a pedicure, if you don't have the funds to do this give yourself a facial at home pamper yourself by soaking in a bubble bath. You can also get one of your favorite movies, a blanket and curl up on the couch and let yourself watch this movie without answering your phone, emails, twitter, or any other distraction that could happen. If you have kids then get a movie for all of you and put your phone away, your computer away, make some popcorn and cuddle with your kids on the couch and watch the movie. Give yourself the gift of time. By this I mean this 1 or 2 hour block is about you and what you do is because that is what you decide to do and not because your phone, computer, spouse or partner, boss or kids is telling you what to do. You are in charge of this 1 or 2 hour block.

It is important to learn to take care of yourself. It is impossible to take care of anyone else in your life if your own self care is suffering. This is because if you are running on low, you have nothing left to give someone else. Keep replenishing your tank by taking care of your mental health. You deserve this gift to yourself so go ahead.

For more information or help on improving your mental health please contact me

Is It Love or Codependence?

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 11:18:00 -0700

This is the one million dollar question. What is the difference between being in love and being codependent? There is a big difference between these two types of relationships. So let's start by talking about what a codependent relationship looks like.

Codependence does not know where you end and your partner begins, if your partner is having a bad day then so are you. In a codependent relationship your whole world revolves around the other person. If they don't like something you are planning then you probably won't follow through with what you were planning. This relationship is based on control and doing anything to stay in the relationship even if it isn't being true to who you are. This relationship is based on fear and not love. Fear of being left, not liked, not accepted, or rejected; this creates a constant stream of thoughts that keeps this person from being true to who they are. In fact who they are; changes.

Codependent relationship usually look fine from the outside but you lose yourself in the relationship. Your friends go by the way side; your family is also pushed aside. Things that were important to you are not important now because they are not important to your partner. Your friends may even try to tell you but you are so enmeshed in this relationship you just tell yourself they just don't understand.

In the beginning of most relationships it may appear codependent because it is new and exciting but if it is a healthy relationship each partner will keep their identity. Neither of the partners will expect the other to give up their life or who they are for the relationship. A healthy loving relationship supports each other to grow in their life, their goals and helps them achieve their dreams.

For more information please contact us

How Do I talk to My Teenager?

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 11:14:00 -0700

Talking to teenagers today is a real challenge. They have so many distractions that can keep them busy that it may seem impossible to even get time with them. However, talking to your teenager is more important than ever. Because of the internet, phones, and the gaming industry, teens will get lost in this world and it may be days before they come up for air.

The reality is today teens aren't getting enough sleep because they are up chatting, playing a game, texting, sexting, or surfing the web. Many teens stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning and then try to get up for school and get through the day. Most teens don't tell their parents what they are doing especially if it has to do with sex or weekend parties, skipping school, cheating, even dropping out of school.

Teens want to run their own life and they don't want to be told what to do. Many teens do what they want when they want and if their parents don't approve they just go to their friends house where their parents are fine with them doing whatever. Many parents are feeling like they are between a rock and a hard place because they don't have the control they feel they need to have to keep their teen safe.

One parent talked about how they did not approve of underage drinking and so they wouldn't let them go to certain parties. They later found out that one of their teens best friends parents allow the teens that go to their home to drink alcohol and they justify this by saying I would rather them drink here and know they are safe here than have them sneak around drinking.

What does this have to do with talking to your teen? It has everything to do with it. If your teen is sneaking out, drinking, using drugs, staying up late and you feel like you have lost control you probably have. This doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to them but what happens is the conversations usually end up in a heated fight and nothing was accomplished.

Sometimes parents need to just be real and tell their teen what they are worried about and just have a conversation. This isn't about discipline, it isn't about being in control, it's about the relationship. As a parent it is easy to get wrapped up in the moment and let all the emotions take over. When this happens the conversation will generally end up in a fight. Parents will need to keep their emotions in check, not get angry at what they are hearing, and be prepared for whatever comes out of their teens mouth. This is a start, and more than likely your teen may tell you things just for the shock factor to see if they can get a rise out of you. Do not take the bait!

The goal is to actually have a conversation and tell them your fears about what you are seeing them do. If they open up just a little consider this a triumph. Parents they need to be able to talk to you without being judged, yelled at, or told they are screwing up. Teens know when they are over their head but because they don't feel like they can talk to anyone about it but their friends they don't and then the advice comes from their teenage friend which may not be the best advise. If you want your teen to talk to you, you will have to be calm, patient and not use statements like, "I knew this would happen" or "that friend of yours is trouble" or I told you to study". It is advantageous to use statements like "how did you handle that" or "is their anything I can do to help" or can I offer a suggestion". Something that let's your teen know you have heard them and you are there to support them.

Remember parents to a teenager parents are not that important but secretly they do want to know their parent supports them and they are there to help them.

Why You Should Not Rescue Your Teen

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 11:12:00 -0700

How many times as a parent have you ran to the school to bring them homework they forgot, or talked to the teacher about why their assignment was late in hopes to help them keep their grades up. Well this is a good intention but it actually hurts your teen more than it helps them. This is why. The first time you ran to the school to bring your child something they forgot or to help them out of a problem they said "thank you and I won't do it again". Most parents response is "it's OK but I won't do this again". The problem is that this isn't what happens. The next time your child needs something you let them know you are unhappy but you still do it for them. After a few times of doing this your teen knows that if they need mom or dad to help them or step in they will even if it means they will be yelled at. Teens don't really get to bothered by the yelling they are more bothered with not getting their way or looking stupid in front of friends.

After a few times of doing things for them that they are more than capable of doing them self it becomes expected by the teen. Teens are pretty selfish and they really only think of themselves and their friends. The other problem is they are not learning how to deal solve their problems either. Every time a parent bails out their teen it doesn't let the teen understand the consequences to life and how to solve things they have messed up on. The fact is that many teens rely on manipulation and blaming others to deal with their problems. This is normal teenage behavior. This is not however normal life. Normal life is that there are consequences to everything we do and there are solutions to every mistake we make. Teens are at the time in their life that it is important to help them learn the reality of life. There are no consequences if the parent always solves the problem for them.

Parents as hard as it is to allow your teen to clean up the mess they have made in the long run it is the best thing you can do for them. You are preparing them to be an adult, get a job, drive a car, go to college, be in a relationship, and eventually have kids of their own. Every time you solve their problem you take a gift from them. Solving problems and learning to take accountability and be responsible for our actions is what teenagers need to be taught. As hard as it is to step back and allow your teen to have the consequences their actions have brought them it is the best thing you could do for your teen.

With all of this in mind talking to your teen about how they are going to solve their problem and offering suggestions opens up the communication and allows them to learn to talk to you in an adult manner. You can let them know you are disappointed in their actions but support how they are handling the problem. This will give them confidence to continue solving problems and the ability to take charge of their life. This can also give them the validation they need from their parents. Teens do not like to admit they want their parents to be proud of them but they do.

Alcohol and the Brain

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 11:05:00 -0700

When you drink alcohol the last thought you are having is "what am I doing to my brain"? There is a lot of information about what alcohol does to the liver but it is rare to hear about what is happening to the brain before, during, or after the person drinks.

So what areas of the brain are affected by alcohol? The Frontal Lobe is where our judgment and executive functioning come from; this means that after consuming alcohol there is an immediate effect on your judgment. The Limbic System is another area that is affected by alcohol consumption and this causes both long and short term memory loss. Other part of the brain that is effected is; the temporal lobe which is where emotion comes from and when you drink emotions become numb but even after you drink the numbness of emotion may subside and bring an overwhelming amount of emotion which may cause one to drink again because the flood of emotion is too intense, the hypothalamus controls sexual arousal and with increased amounts of alcohol your arousal may go up but performance will go down because alcohol depresses the nerve center that controls sexual performance.

For teenagers the effects are much greater because the brain is still growing. Our brains are not full grown until about age 24 for women and age 26 for men. So when a teenager consumes alcohol it may cause some lasting effects. As a teenager the Frontal Lobe is where executive functioning skills come from. Executive Functioning is what helps us make decisions; both in the moment and goal oriented type of decisions. When alcohol is used these skills can become impaired and last through their life.

Think about anyone you know that has drunk alcohol since they were young. Do some of their traits seem impulsive or even immature? This may be from consuming alcohol at a young age. When the brain was growing the Frontal Lobe may have been impaired which would cause decision making skills to suffer.

In my own family I have a lot of experience with this. There have been two drug and alcohol related deaths, one family member who has spent as much time in prison as he has out of it, a Grandfather who died from liver complications because of alcohol, and the most recent is a family member who drank himself to the point where he will never walk, talk normally, go to the bathroom by himself, or many of the other life pleasures he used to have. He will live in an assisted living setting where he is fully aware of what has happened and why, but he can't do a dam thing about it.

So, if you ask me what alcohol does to the brain I would tell you that it only makes you stupid in your life decisions e.g., drinking and driving, taking other drugs with alcohol, drinking until you pass out or puke, drinking games that increase the risk of alcohol poisoning, unprotected or unwanted sex, and this is just of the few bad decisions that are made. This list could go on and on because it is not just the drinking decisions that are affected it is life decisions.

We always have choices to make and hopefully the choices you are making increase the life you have. Alcohol is a depressant and so if your life isn't going so great and you are drinking, alcohol will never help you make your life better it will only cause more pain in the end. For more information please contact me.

We Have Launched A New Blog

Fri, 10 Sep 2010 14:06:00 -0700

Repair N Life is pleased to announce that we have upgraded our blog on our website so that we can better serve our loyal customers by continually providing valuable insight and information. The quick address of the new blog for those who may want to favorite it is www.repairnlife.com/blog.

In the new blog we plan on adding information for both parents and teens on how they can cope with issues such as depression, anxiety, grief, relationships, alcohol and drug abuse and more. This blog will allow for more interaction where people can feel free to leave comments and give us any suggestions of what they would like to see more of on our website.

The blog will be overseen by me, Kelly, and I have a Master’s in Psychology from Pacific Graduate School of Psychology, I am a Licensed Drug and Alcohol Counselor in both UT and NV. I have studied the Marriage and Family Therapy Model of Treatment and will be able to provide great knowledge through this blog so please subscribe to the blog to stay updated.

Prescription Pill Withdrawal

Wed, 09 May 2012 18:43:00 -0700

Prescription Pills

Prescription pills are becoming increasingly more deadly.
Every day we hear in the news about someone else who has died because of
prescription pills. The pills that have become so deadly are Xanax, Oxycodone, Morphine,
Roxicodone, Hydrocodone, Lortab, Ambien, Soma, Norco, and other anti-anxiety
medication or pain killers. Anti-anxiety medications are considered a
Benzodiazepine or Anxiolytic and the pain medication are in the Opiate class of
medication.

Pain medications are useful when someone has acute pain.
This is right after surgery, or after an accident, broken limbs, cancer, and
other severe injuries. Pain medications were not really meant to be a long term
solution for pain. These opiate pills and anti-anxiety medications have become
an epidemic of physical dependence, suicide attempts and overdose. There has
been a spike in the number of people entering treatment centers to detox off of
these medications. Many are cocktailing (mixing) with alcohol, and other
medications, which increases; cloudy thinking, extreme muscle aches and fatigue
and when a person runs out, the symptoms of withdrawal are; cold sweats, lack
of sleep, eating disturbances, muscle and joint pain, paranoid thoughts,
extreme irritability and agitation, nausea, black outs, extreme anxiety, itchy
skin, and possibility of seizures. This is what these prescription pills are
doing.

When someone is taking these types of medications
becoming physically dependent is inevitable when they are used for long-term
pain management. The reason for this is because of how the brain processes these
pills and the way the body reacts to this process. Opiates are considered a
synthetic type of heroin which in the brain this is processed as pleasure. This
is a certain receptor that connects to the opiate and produces this type of
pleasure. This pleasure is automatically sought after by the brain and the
body. When the brain is deprived of this pleasure it then sends the message to
the body of the need for this pleasure and this is how the physical dependence
starts. When the body is told it needs more pleasure (opiate) it begins to feel
fatigue, nauseous, sweaty, shaky, headaches, depression, extreme anxiousness,
and diarrhea. These are just a few of the symptoms the body will send out. So
when the next pill is taken it will relieve these symptoms again for a short
time but eventually this one pill is not enough because it isn’t the same as
the first time it was taken so now the body responds by increasing the symptoms
and so the person will take two pills to relieve these symptoms. This cycle
goes on and on until the person is taking ten or more pills a day and then
going to the Dr to let them know this isn’t working anymore so the Dr gives
more pills and maybe a different type of opiate medication, increases the
dosage or adding an anti-anxiety medication like Xanax.

This continues until the person is taking Oxycodone and
Xanax to decrease the anxiousness, they are taking Soma because they can’t
sleep. As soon as they get up they take Oxycodone (or the opiate they are on)
because they wake up feeling sick and agitated. They feel shaky and their nose
is dripping and eyes are tearing and once they take that pill they can then
begin to function again. This still isn’t enough so they go back to the Dr
again and they prescribe something else for pain and depression and now the
brain is screaming that this just isn’t enough so they start taking more than
prescribed and instead of six or eight in the day they are taking ten or
twenty. Their body is so dependent on these pills that this is now the only
thing that gets them going. All of their thoughts are about not feeling these
physical symptoms so they begin to take them closer together so they don’t have
to feel withdrawals like; nauseous, agitated, shaky, foggy headed, fatigued,
clammy, stuffy or runny nose, loss of memory and concentration, depression and
anxiousness, and feelings of something crawling under their skin.

This cycle goes on and on until they finally are told by
their Dr that they will not prescribe them anymore of these medications, so
they go find another Dr to get their pills and when this Dr won’t give them
this many pills they go online and begin buying from someone in Canada or some
other country. The pills come and they look like they are similar and so they
begin taking these pills. Their body is so dependent on these pills that they
are afraid to ever be without them. This fear continues to increase and the
euphoria that was felt in the beginning is now replaced by fear, anxiousness
and chasing that initial feeling of euphoria or pleasure.

This is a brief look into what these prescription pills
are doing to people. This is the cycle of the physical dependence on these
prescription pills. This is also why the overdoses on these pills are becoming
so common. There is so much despair that they become hopeless and life becomes
dark. They may be functioning and going to work or taking care of their family
but they are not happy they are on auto pilot. To people around them they seem
different, detached somehow, withdrawn, paranoid, and snappy. They may take
everything personal and think that everyone is against them. Most people around
them don’t know what is going on because taking pills is something that is OK
since it comes from the Dr so nobody thinks that this is the problem. As a
matter of fact most family members will help them find a new Dr because of the
physical pain they will be experiencing from the withdrawal effects, having no
idea of the amount they are actually taking. They really are sick and it seems
like they are sick a lot. They may be able to work, or function in the family
but they complain of not feeling good and end up retreating to their bed or
room.

One thing that happens when someone is physically
dependent is as they try to get off of these pills the symptoms of withdrawal
become so intense that many will not be able to get off of them on their own.
There is also a potential for seizures when trying to get off of these
medications which is why the numbers of people going into a detox center is
rising.

If you or someone you know is suffering from physical
dependence and you would like more information please contact Kelly at www.repairnlife.com

Relapse Among Teenagers

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 13:45:00 -0800

RELAPSE AMONG TEENAGERS

Relapse among teenagers can be put into a few different
categories. Many times relapse is viewed as just relapse but this may not be
so. There are several types of relapse especially among teenagers. Many times
teenagers may go through periods in their teenage years where they experiment
with using drugs and/or alcohol and so their use is sporadic and inconsistent. Other
teens’ may use on the weekends or at certain parties but continue to keep their
life functional but the drug and/or alcohol use is not their focus. There are
the teenagers’ that begin to use and the use becomes a continual escalation
where they are using daily up to several times a day, they may be trying
different types of drugs or cocktailing different types of drugs but they are
doing whatever it takes to feel “high”. The escalation in drug use along with
other determining factors could be an addiction problem and not just a drug/alcohol
abuse problem.

Whether it is abuse or addiction the relapses and abuse may
continue if there is not some type of action taken. As parents watch their teen
behaviors change when they become more engaged in the drug world, they may
choose to intervene by sending their teen to treatment. These treatments range
from intensive outpatient to a residential treatment facility. If the teen is
sent to a residential facility then their drug use and behavior was most likely
out of control. Once they leave these treatment facilities the transition back
home will be crucial in whether or not the teen continues in a recovery
lifestyle or relapses back into the drug world.

There have been studies done on the reasons adolescents
relapse. One such study by Talbott & Martin (1999), found that denial of
drug dependency, rationalization of the drug use, lack of family support, lack
of spiritual connection, cross addiction, over confidence, unresolved negative
emotions, unresolved guilt from the past, or returning to using friends were
factors of relapse. Other studies by (Talbott & Matin and Gorsky &
Miller, 1986), have found that those that relapse are less involved in
productive activities, and have less satisfying leisure activities in other
words boredom may play a big part of relapse among teenagers.

These factors also become the reason relapse can be put into
different categories. If a teen is experimenting with drugs and alcohol and
they quit for a substantial amount of time, this may not be considered a
relapse. Generally these teens drug use is because of peer pressure or other
pressures from school, or home. The teen may not know how to handle the
emotions and turn to drugs or alcohol to relieve these feelings, so they may
use for that night but then revert back to not using drugs or alcohol for
another period of time. The problem with any type of drug use is that teenagers
may be more susceptible to continued use once they start because their
impulsivity and lack of judgment impedes their ability to know how or when to
stop.

Teens that have gone into some type of treatment because of
their drug use are prone to relapse because of the above factors. Even with
these factors however, there can still be a couple of categories of relapse.
Once a teen comes home or leaves treatment if they continue with activities
that help them stay sober like; going to support groups, NA/AA, and are
involved in productive activities (school, work) they are less likely to
relapse but sometimes they may end up in a situation where they have an opportunity
to use. If they take this use as a failure or start thinking they can handle
using and continue using this becomes a relapse but if they get back on track,
talk to someone about their “slip” and keep going with their recovery then this
may be considered more of a “slip” than a relapse.

Parents need to learn to talk openly to their teen about
using drugs and alcohol. Teenagers need to know that their parents are by their
side and they will support and help them (not rescue) in these tough
situations. Relapse can be less likely if the parents and family are supportive;
the teen stays active in school, work, and sober activities. If you would like
more information please contact me at www.repairnlife.com

Defining Addiction

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 11:10:00 -0700

This is a typical problem of addiction; this problem is how it is hidden from the people that love and care about them. However, there are signs that once these signs are understood it is fairly easy to recognize when a loved one is deep into their addiction.

First, understanding what an addiction is is important because addictions can be so many behaviors besides drugs and/or alcohol. An addiction could be anything that takes control over someone's life. For instance, eating could become an addiction if the act of eating becomes more of an urge and a way to avoid thoughts and emotions that are considered hurtful. This person may constantly think of food, they eat without being hungry or eat even after they are full, they may try to hide how much they are eating, and they may lie about what they ate during the day. Usually this will cause a weight problem which may cause some of the negative thought patterns and to get rid of these negative thoughts more food is eaten to curb these thoughts. Food becomes more of an obsession than eating as a natural part of the day.

This type of thought is called obsessions and these obsessions are part of the addictive pattern. If someone is using prescription pills that are either not prescribed or they are taking these pills in a way that is not how they are prescribed then this may be considered an addictive pattern. Most addicts have obsessive thoughts and until the thought is acted upon these negative thought patterns will continue to drive the addiction. These obsessions may sound like this to the addictive person. Wake up in the morning and the first thought is about the pill they are taking. The thought becomes more constant and may even be a bit of a conflict within them self. "I don't need a pill this morning I feel pretty good right now, but if I don't take the pill I might start to hurt so maybe I should just take it any way to make sure I don't feel pain". The argument in this person's head will continue until they finally give in and take the pill. Later as the effect of the pill wears off they will begin to think about taking another one even if they don't really need it or it isn't time to take it yet. This pill will become a way to get through the day without having to deal with all of the little problems that may happen during their life that day. These thoughts and actions will make their tolerance for the pill become greater and the effect of the pill won't last as long or taking just one won't give them the same effect so they may begin to take two instead of one.

This is called tolerance. With any addiction the tolerance of the addiction becomes greater so whether it is food, pills, or alcohol they will need to consume more to get the same effect they were getting in the beginning of the addiction. When someone has a high tolerance their behavior begins to become erratic too. They may become more secretive or isolative. They may withdraw from family, friends or anyone they are close too. They may tell wild stories about where they have been or where they are going. They may seem paranoid and try to deflect these behaviors by focusing on someone or something else. If they are asked about what they did during the day, they may become upset and ask why it matters or just give a generalized answer. This type of behavior is considered a red flag or a warning sign of addiction. When these are the behaviors the addicted person moves into compulsive behavior.

Compulsive behavior is erratic and is driven totally by the substance, food, drink, work, sexual act, or even sleeping they are using to try to stay in some sort of control over their life. They may spend more time in the bathroom than usual, they may run to the store at odd times to get "something", they may become irritable and easily frustrated, or they may have uncontrollable mood swings. They probably think that they have control over their life but at this point the addiction is controlling much of their life. There are many people that may remain functional but there are many that cannot keep their life functioning and their life begins to unravel. Either way the warning signs are still there.

When someone's life begins to unravel everything changes and everyone that knows them can see the changes but the person that is caught up in the addiction is actually blinded by their addiction. They may say things like, "Why do you question everything I do, why are you changing, everyone around me is changing"? They may say things like "if you would leave me alone I wouldn't need to go out all the time." These are also a warning signs. Other warning signs may be things like money disappearing, jewelry disappearing, food disappearing but know one know where it has gone. The addict will generally try to blame someone else and they may be able to make the case sound convincing but if asked later about the incident the story they came up with before will probably change. These lies are also warning signs. Most that are caught up in an addiction are reactionary and focus only on the problem and not solving any of their problems. As the addiction grows they will have many odd stories and reactions but they will blame everything that happens in their life on someone else.

As these obsessions, compulsions, and the tolerance increase the persons' life is now revolving around their addiction. Their relationships change because the only relationship they have is with the substance or food or whatever they are addicted to. The lies will become bigger but many times it isn't worth confronting the lie because of the conflict it causes.

Life for someone who has an addiction problem is like being on a roller coaster that goes through fire. The ride is exciting but the heat is burning and hurting their skin. Family and friends are also on this ride and they are trying to cold water to the burns but all this does is allow the addict the ability to stay on the ride longer. One of the best things a family member or friend can do is be completely honest with them, let them know how their addiction affects you, don't tippy toe or sugar coat how you feel or how life is living with them, ask them to be honest and if they think they need help. This may not stop the addictive behavior but at least they know how you feel and you aren't going to side step their behavior. Once the person who is in this addictive pattern knows that you know what they are doing; they need to know that there isn't a need for them to lie to you anymore and then maybe a plan can be put in place to help them.

Remember with any addiction there is a lot of guilt and shame and there is no need to increase the guilt for them or for you. Addiction can be overcome with some work on the obsessive thoughts, the compulsive behavior, support from their friends and family, and a willingness by the addict to get out of the roller coaster that is on fire. Family and friends should never get on the ride with them. Expressing how you feel, and that you are not going to walk on egg shells around them will help keep you off of their ride. For more information please contact me.

Addictions Are Hard To Beat

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 15:51:00 -0700

This week has been a roller coaster of emotion, which is not what I am very good at. It always takes me some time to figure out what I am feeling. I usually just go right to action and how to solve the problem. When my son died a few years ago I couldn’t fix it and since then I feel a little lost when something happens that can be fixed but should I step in and fix it or let things just go?

My best friend this week just went back to jail for drinking and driving. He is looking at a sentence of up to 10 years. How does this happen? I am a professional in this field, I have been to conference after conference and yet there are no answers. There is talk about how the brain has an area where the synapses are either firing too much or not enough. There is talk about the serotonin and dopamine levels, and then there is talk about the responsibility of the person. I believe all of this comes into play but why do some of us have such a hard time controlling drinking, drugs, or even food?

I am going to investigate into this more and will post everything I find out. This is not only for my own sense of knowing but to help others that deal with these same problems either themselves or with a loved one.

Stay tuned in for future findings and discoveries…

Therapy With Horses

Mon, 27 Sep 2010 16:05:00 -0700

There are many directions to go in getting help. There is talk therapy where you can go to a therapists office and discuss issues and problems you may have. There are support groups you can attend where you can get feedback from others that may have been in similar situations, you can also give feedback to others in the group that may be looking for help with their problems. You can go see your Dr. or your Chiropractor. In the end you have gotten a lot of feedback and some good ideas on your problems and issues.

I have helped many people through talking and assigning specific homework to work on the issue but I always wished for a way to let them experience more during the session. Now this is a pretty tall order because what I am asking is that someone can come to a session with a problem and be able to leave the session knowing they know what they need to do for their life.

I was introduced to Equine Therapy just recently and immediately knew this was one of those answers I was looking for. I realize this won’t work for all people and all issues because there is no fix all when it comes to mental health but horses are the closest thing I have seen to making this happen. Horses can create an experience allowing clients to come in with an issue and live it with the horse in the arena. Clients come up with their own solutions to their problems which is ultimately the best way to solve our problems, because in reality isn’t that what we do anyway?

I will be posting much more on this and other ways to deal with issues. Hopefully through this blog and website you can find something that may help you in your search for physical, emotional, and spiritual help.

What are some of the hardest moments of being a parent to a teenager?

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 15:19:00 -0800

The one that comes to my mind is when you watch your teen changing friends, skipping school, unwilling to talk, and withdrawing from what they used to love doing.