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How many times as a parent have you ran to the school to bring them homework they forgot, or talked to the teacher about why their assignment was late in hopes to help them keep their grades up. Well this is a good intention but it actually hurts your teen more than it helps them. This is why. The first time you ran to the school to bring your child something they forgot or to help them out of a problem they said "thank you and I won't do it again". Most parents response is "it's OK but I won't do this again". The problem is that this isn't what happens. The next time your child needs something you let them know you are unhappy but you still do it for them. After a few times of doing this your teen knows that if they need mom or dad to help them or step in they will even if it means they will be yelled at. Teens don't really get to bothered by the yelling they are more bothered with not getting their way or looking stupid in front of friends.
After a few times of doing things for them that they are more than capable of doing them self it becomes expected by the teen. Teens are pretty selfish and they really only think of themselves and their friends. The other problem is they are not learning how to deal solve their problems either. Every time a parent bails out their teen it doesn't let the teen understand the consequences to life and how to solve things they have messed up on. The fact is that many teens rely on manipulation and blaming others to deal with their problems. This is normal teenage behavior. This is not however normal life. Normal life is that there are consequences to everything we do and there are solutions to every mistake we make. Teens are at the time in their life that it is important to help them learn the reality of life. There are no consequences if the parent always solves the problem for them.
Parents as hard as it is to allow your teen to clean up the mess they have made in the long run it is the best thing you can do for them. You are preparing them to be an adult, get a job, drive a car, go to college, be in a relationship, and eventually have kids of their own. Every time you solve their problem you take a gift from them. Solving problems and learning to take accountability and be responsible for our actions is what teenagers need to be taught. As hard as it is to step back and allow your teen to have the consequences their actions have brought them it is the best thing you could do for your teen.
With all of this in mind talking to your teen about how they are going to solve their problem and offering suggestions opens up the communication and allows them to learn to talk to you in an adult manner. You can let them know you are disappointed in their actions but support how they are handling the problem. This will give them confidence to continue solving problems and the ability to take charge of their life. This can also give them the validation they need from their parents. Teens do not like to admit they want their parents to be proud of them but they do.
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